{"id":33684,"date":"2020-02-16T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-02-16T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.styletomes.com\/?p=33684"},"modified":"2020-01-22T12:15:05","modified_gmt":"2020-01-22T17:15:05","slug":"family-planning-mental-health","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.styletomes.com\/lifestyle\/family-planning-mental-health\/","title":{"rendered":"Stopping Family Planning Saved My Mental Health"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
When my husband and I first met, we discussed having children in the future. Ideally, I wanted kids by the time I turned 31. We met when I was 25, so I figured we had plenty of time to live our best life ever before settling down. I’d have all my issues figured out by the time I was 27, and we’d have a house by the time I was 29. That gave us two years to take it easy and plan those kids! I would have a biological baby by 31, and then we’d adopt a sibling by the time I was 35. I’m a planner, can you tell?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I pride myself on doing what I set out to do. When we met, I was in my 10th year of an eating disorder<\/a>. Clearly, extremely committed to what I needed to accomplish. By 27, I graduated a stay in an eating disorder center in the heart of Calabasas. I got to knock out my ED and keep an eye out for the Kardashian neighbors in one go. I’m proud to say I am fully recovered as I write this, but it’s only because I was very determined to craft a life where I could have children and a family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While my eating disorder is in the past, I’m heading on 33 and there are no kids in sight. Things were great until I was 30, then everything kind of started going downhill. In terms of self-confidence<\/a>, I was better than ever, but financially, we were screwed. My husband’s business venture put him in the hands of a megalomaniac who ultimately didn’t hold up his end of the business deal. I found myself taking on odd jobs and renting out our dream family home (my nest!) on Airbnb, and the stress of everyday life didn’t leave much room to plan a baby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It took me nearly a year to come to terms with the fact that I’m not having a baby by 31. First, it’s impossible because I’m nearly 33. Second, our life is not simplifying anytime soon. I cried over not getting what I want for a good year or two before I started to make amends with my life. I realized I needed to accept what I cannot change or control. It’s easier said than done, but I started creating routines that take care of me so I can grow my confidence<\/a> and empower my sense of self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My goal was to tie my self worth to my existence and my accomplishments now rather than my accomplishments in the future. That meant accepting that my plans might not follow a linear path. I began working out, writing more and focusing on building my website, which I abandoned for two years while I was wallowing in my self-pity. I met with my wonderful therapist religiously every Tuesday, untangling the feelings of grief over possibly struggling to conceive later on and making backup plans. It no way meant I abandoned my dream of having children, but it meant accepting that life throws curveballs, and we must adapt to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While we’re still struggling to straighten our life out after a bad business partnership, I am not resigning my plan to failure nor am I tying my entire life to it. Instead, I’m taking things one day at a time and staying conscious of reality. There’s more to me than living in the future, and while I have my eyes set on the goal, I am here to take small steps in the present and not lose out on these moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n